Chapter 24 going on 25…

Let’s talk about what I learned through these 365 days. As well as some goals and updates on life.

24 was a heck of a ride. I will say, this past year was amazing. I was fortunate enough to travel more, create more for my lovelies, and land a place here. I also got a lot of understanding of things in this world, maybe for the better, and others for the worse. But regardless, I pray and do my best to do my research. A lot of failed relationships. Friendship questioning, crushes, and tons of irrelevant heartache. Even questioning myself. To be honest…it definitely hurt. I took a long time to come back from that, but as you can see I am well. 

Since graduating, I landed another job and a lot has happened there. We’ll talk more in another episode, okay? I had one I wanted to talk about with you all. I know jobs and school can be a hassle, so we need to talk. Back to this job! It was one I didn’t expect myself doing as it barely would make me utilize my creativity. But instead, I flipped my mindset. “At least I have a job, and it’s one I can enjoy for the most part”. Especially in this economy. I am truly grateful. And surprisingly, I have been able to manage.

I was worried about not being able to adjust, but just like schooling from the year prior, I succeeded. Though this one doesn’t have a diploma or certificate…I am able to gain knowledge and skills. Not to mention the score got being able to have another platform with my lovelies. Writing is something that almost comes natural to me. I can express things much better here. I have this groove almost like a song. My mind becomes lighter and somehow the air becomes easier to breathe. And I feel more at ease because I know submitting it won’t scare me. Why? Because I have my lovelies here with me. Naturally, it becomes not something of requirement, but something I please.

Which is why I see myself fitting here so well. I think I have always been attracted to something greater. Have I reached it? Not quite. But every thought, every word, every submission and everything in between I get a tad bit closer to something “greater” than I was before.

I think this is a great time to think about something that has been on my mind since I saw it. The mini me. And why not throw in every version of me. Would they be proud of the person I am today? Well that’s an answer I can’t really confirm. I will say in some ways I shock myself. I think many versions of myself would be confused even a little disappointed I went the routes I went. Others would be angry I didn’t take others. And I think it all boils down (at least for now), the emotional side of me who just wanted to understand herself. Who she was and what she’ll do. One who wouldn’t have imagined life like this. Who couldn’t see past the little world she was in before. Because of that, I am who I am today. I create because she makes me. I am the creative I am today because of her and all versions of me. And I am proud of that.

Wow. Do I sound mature there? Who knows. All jokes aside, I am happy to see the small bit of progress I have made. And there’s so much more to go. That’s what I look forward to. Even if it looks dim, I know that there’s light. Even if I have to draw it a bit brighter, it is there. 

So, drawing in more light. It’s time to share some goals of mine. For 25…for 25 I just want to be truly happy. 

I want to put out more work. I want the world to know the things the I do. I hope that they will resonate with people. And I hope that it can inspire. I hope that it can uplift when needed. And everyone find what they need when they need it.

I hope that I can help whenever I can do so. I have started, but I hope that when things start working out the way they go, I can help others. That is important to me. 

I hope I don’t have any more hesitation reaching out and trying to get what I want/need. If it’s just an email or a phone call away, why do I have anxiety? Like, be real! Will it haunt my mind? Maybe, but that was inevitable if I see the opportunities and/or ideas still come to life. It will not hurt my daily life to try. Just do what needs to be done. With that, I have emails to send haha!

Another goal: Stop letting things haunt your mind! Elementary school you, cannot hurt you. Middle school you cannot hurt you. High school you cannot hurt you. College, you cannot hurt you. Job ver. cannot hurt you. And hobby/extracurricular you cannot hurt you. All of these ver. of you is just a past extension and doesn’t necessarily mean that is you now. People change. 

Am I just as awkward? Sure. Do some things I do come across as cringe? Yeah. AND SO, WHAT? That is a part of me. And it’s because I let it be. Don’t get rid of the things that make you special because the world says it’s “cringe” or bad cause it’s “cringe”. Cause later down the line it’ll be cool again and you’ll be upset you let it go. Or you kept it and well-ego points all the way my love!

There’s another goal. Don’t let people, media, and other everchanging, biased, categorical, popularity enterprises change you. Nothing defines you. You define you. If you want to put yourself into something that is “popping” right now, so be it. But you don’t have to let it be you forever. Aesthetics can be leveraged into finding “you”. I change all the freaking time. No era looks the same for me. To a point I feel cringed out. Sometimes I like something, other times I might not.

Example. At some point in my life, I used to really really reallyyyyyy despise the color pink. Now pink is a part of my favorite color list. I used to think the oldies in my parents’ car was embarrassing, now it’s a part of my playlist. Don’t let people or things influence what you do. Including myself. Who am I? I don’t even know. We’re all trying to figure that out, okay? And that’s fine. We just don’t need to listen to people. Unless you want it to. It’s all up to you.

I definitely want to get a better understanding of my emotions. What I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.

I recently realized that I have been going to places I enjoy but not fully enjoying them. Doesn’t matter if it was the floor of a concert or the movies. I find myself removing my being from this event and just having thoughts. I don’t know why. I am happy. It was something I wanted. I earned it. But…for some reason I feel 90% full. I have a few reasons why it might be, but we’ll leave that for another episode.

Most importantly, and I can’t believe I am saying this…I want to be able to talk about my feelings more. Without too much hesitation. Without regrets. And not through writing or a song. Just words out of my mouth. I am sort of tired of being ready to shut down because I don’t have the right words. Or waiting for the right time to have the talk my mind and body crave. And for the candle of this cake- I want to just live in the freaking moment. Stop overthinking. Stop using the internal voice to discredit how you feel. You are aware of it. Just get out of it and live a little.

And one big goal. Being able to talk more with my lovelies. And do my best to give you the best quality I can.

That’s my little list of goals. I wanted to be corny and do like a “25 things” list, but instead we have this one. And I am actually really proud of it! Okay. Yeah 25, bring it on! I won’t be uploading this until 25 so yeah. Send me some wishes on my socials and on this blog! 

I’ll wish myself one too. Happy Birthday, Diamond! 

Thank you Lovelies, Regal Attraction readers, and online enthusiast! I’ll see you again soon!

Xoxo,

DG